What If My Boss is a Jerk?

1) Don’t Withhold Praise
Lord knows if you’ve got a good boss, it’s a rare blessing—ask your friends! But what if yours doesn’t quite fall in that category or is a difficult person? Often this type of manager is a perfectionist, micromanager, or bully—or vague, volatile, or arrogant. This can be caused by insecurity, low self esteem, or limited skills, experience, or education.

However, just because they may be a jerk doesn’t mean you shouldn’t compliment them. Complimenting a difficult supervisor may feel unnatural, but it can help raise their self esteem and possibly improve their interactions with you and your coworkers. Studies have shown that when employees thanked their difficult bosses for their feedback—regardless of the specifics—that aggression decreased, signifying that their gratitude affirmed the social worth of the manager.

2) What to Do
Typically even difficult managers enjoy recognition and sincere compliments. You’ll just need to make an effort to figure out how yours best receives praise.

Bosses who are hypersensitive or paranoid should be handled with care to avoid their reading negatives into the positive feedback you’re giving them. And if yours is present in a situation where you’re claiming success on something you accomplished, be sure to acknowledge his part in it, if he was involved.

Nobody in the world is doing everything wrong, so look for and compliment what your difficult boss is doing right or handling well.

3) Other Advice
Another plus of shaping your difficult boss through compliments is hanging on to your job! Mary Lou Quinlan, former Advertising Director for Avon Products stressed that employees who help their boss feel less insecure will stay employed when the economy dips.

But at the end of the day, if you’ve been patient giving your trying boss a fair shake but aren’t getting anywhere and remain in a toxic environment, it’s best to just find a new job elsewhere—within the company or at a new organization. Life is too short to be miserable at work every day under a manager who won’t improve.

So step outside your comfort zone, and don’t be afraid to spread some love to your boss. When done properly, not only can it begin to improve your relationship and rub off on others, but you might just help the person you report to feel a little more noticed and appreciated. And who doesn’t want that?

Thanks to Clay Faircloth, Pam Meek, Paul Havlik, and Terry Warren for their insight. Other sources:

• “Office Hours: Bowing to the boss: Everyone Likes To Be Praised, But It Can Go Too Far.” Guardian [London, England] 9 Dec. 2002. Business News: page 4 by Sally O’Reilly
• “To brown-nose or not to brown-nose?” USA Today. (Nov. 18, 2009): Business News: p01B. © 2009 by Del Jones
• “Ways To Compliment Your Boss.” Asianetindia.com, 3 Nov. 2015
• “Your Difficult Boss May Be Insecure.” Khaleej Times [Dubai, United Arab Emirates] 24 Aug. 2013 © 2013 SyndiGate Media Inc. by oksana@academiaofhumanpotential.com

Looking for a new job? Want to get what you want fast? Check out my book, Here Today, Hired Tomorrow, and subscribe to my blog (kurtkirton.com) for free advice on your job search.

How Do I Compliment?

1) Considerations
“Praising up” can be a challenge and will require some thought and effort. It’s best to focus your praise on your direct supervisor: Complimenting those at levels above can tend to cross a familiarity line, not be appreciated, or come off suspicious.

Also, of course, you’ll need to take into account the culture of your office, your relationship with your supervisor, your personality, and hers. I’ve had bosses who preferred as little interaction with employees as possible to personable ones who’ve helped shape me as a professional and gave me advice when asked, long after we worked together.

Complimenting and encouraging can be done face to face, via email or phone—and some companies have certificates of appreciation or company thank you notes that employees can use to convey praise or recognition to anyone in the company. This can facilitate the process and make the effort less awkward.

The group spin (“We think ____ and just wanted to say ____”) can be used if needed or when starting off. When delivering compliments, I prefer to let what feels right guide me as far as the what, when, and where of it all.

2) Sincerity
Whether you’re talking to your supervisor, wife, husband, etc., your compliment must be sincere. Hollow compliments can cause a manager to feel justified in not promoting a brown-noser and that that employee is immature.

On the other hand, building a reputation as an encourager can go a long way with being received as genuine when giving compliments, so look for opportunities to praise your coworkers as well.

Finally, don’t come off like you’re judging your manager’s performance or giving compliments you might have just as easily withheld. And don’t rehearse what you want to say or overthink it. Just be natural, authentic, and honest in your comments.

3) Specifics
Mentioning something specific will also facilitate acceptance of the compliment and promote behavior change better than a generic compliment. Look for ways your boss has helped you or things he’s worked hard on and successfully accomplished. You can also observe behaviors he’s modeled that you’d like to develop. If there’s not something exceptional often enough, think about praising solid consistent performance, “You manage ___ aspect of your job really well…”

How Often?

Encouragement shouldn’t be robotic. You don’t want to create a situation where your boss rolls her eyes and thinks, “It’s 9am on a Monday. Here comes Megan to drop another one on me.”

Saying something every once in a while, when you observe something worth complimenting, or when she exceeds expectations is appropriate frequency, since not everyone does something noteworthy every week. Be alert, and look for appropriate opportunities to praise. Think about how often your boss compliments you.

Another prime opportunity to encourage is when you sense your manager is having a rough day or is down—and it doesn’t have to be a compliment. Even something like, “Hey Caryn, I know you’re having a rough day. I’m sorry about ____, but it will all work out alright.”

Thanks to Clay Faircloth, Pam Meek, Paul Havlik, and Terry Warren for their insight. Other sources:

• “Office Hours: Bowing to the boss: Everyone Likes To Be Praised, But It Can Go Too Far.” Guardian [London, England] 9 Dec. 2002. Business News: page 4 by Sally O’Reilly
• “To brown-nose or not to brown-nose?” USA Today. (Nov. 18, 2009): Business News: p01B. © 2009 by Del Jones
• “Ways To Compliment Your Boss.” Asianetindia.com, 3 Nov. 2015
• “Your Difficult Boss May Be Insecure.” Khaleej Times [Dubai, United Arab Emirates] 24 Aug. 2013 © 2013 SyndiGate Media Inc. by oksana@academiaofhumanpotential.com

Looking for a new job? Want to get what you want fast? Check out my book, Here Today, Hired Tomorrow, and subscribe to my blog (kurtkirton.com) for free monthly advice on your job search.

There are plenty of articles out there on why great bosses should encourage and praise the good performance of their subordinates. And yes, it’s part of their job to help their employees succeed. But what about the supervisors—how often do their bosses pat them on the back or even notice their accomplishments when so many high level managers are based out of a different building or city? Typically not as often as managers compliment their staff.

As far as employees, consciously or not, most of us tend to have the mentality of, “My boss should encourage me since I’m the subordinate, not the other way around.” Further, you may not know how to compliment your boss, feel awkward, or just get so wrapped up in doing a good job that you honestly don’t think about it much. I know I’m guilty of  this. Plus, it’s easier and more common to be quick to complain rather than compliment. With all these factors in play, many supervisors may begin to feel unappreciated, whether they are aware of it or not.

This is where employees can step up and help encourage the good. Don’t assume that because your boss is above you in the pecking order that she doesn’t need to hear from you occasionally that she’s doing a good job. Not surprisingly, managers are much like their subordinates in that they have feelings, stresses, and situations outside of work factoring into their performance and interaction with others. So it’s nice to hear positive comments, even from their employees.

Don’t we want to retain good supervisors as much as they want to hold on to outstanding employees? Why shouldn’t good managers be as happy and satisfied at work as those on the front lines like to be? Praise, kindness, and compliments go hand in hand. So in the spirit of encouragement, let’s look into this topic in this 3-part series.

NOTE: While praising your boss may help you up the career ladder (and though I try to keep most of the content here at my blog in the vein of self-improvement or career advancement), my focus on this subject will be more about encouragement for the sake of bettering others in the context of short compliments which can be made privately or in front of others. (More lengthy interactions complimenting your boss should be done in private with an informal tone, for example over lunch.)

Why Should I?

1) Manage Your Manager: Reinforce Good Behavior
It’s as simple as the psychology: Behavior that’s reinforced effectively will be repeated; that which is not will cease. Further, how much someone is paid is not the only thing keeping them happy and at their job: In fact, praise was the most motivating factor for more than 80% of employees surveyed by the recruitment group Reed. Conversely, lack of appropriate praise can result in de-motivation.

Encouraging your manager can help him feel better about who he is (and who you are) and like he is meeting employee needs and cultivating employee retention. Complimenting your boss is a smart thing to do because it means not only that you are taking initiative but that you’re managing your manager—getting him to do things that you need or would like (within reason).

There’s a wealth of opportunity with managers who are new to a department or company. It’s especially prudent to encourage them so they know they’re on the right track and working competently.

2) Improve Your Work Environment
Compliments can change the tone of the manager-employee relationship and make for  better and more open interaction. Even comments as simple as, “Thank you for helping me out with the ___ project,” or “I appreciate your cutting through the red tape with Metro so I could land the Stevens account,” would be welcomed and a good place to start. We spend roughly a third of our lives at work, so who wouldn’t want to improve their work environment?

“We notice and appreciate that you consistently pay your bill early or on time.” This phrase on my electric bill years ago stuck with me. Letting encouragement flow both ways and helping your supervisor feel noticed and appreciated can foster a more positive and pleasant workplace, boost morale, and end up helping the company succeed in the long term.

Thanks to Clay Faircloth, Pam Meek, Paul Havlik, and Terry Warren for their insight. Other sources:

• “Office Hours: Bowing to the boss: Everyone Likes To Be Praised, But It Can Go Too Far.” Guardian [London, England] 9 Dec. 2002. Business News: page 4 by Sally O’Reilly
• “To brown-nose or not to brown-nose?” USA Today. (Nov. 18, 2009): Business News: p01B. © 2009 by Del Jones
• “Ways To Compliment Your Boss.” Asianetindia.com, 3 Nov. 2015
• “Your Difficult Boss May Be Insecure.” Khaleej Times [Dubai, United Arab Emirates] 24 Aug. 2013 © 2013 SyndiGate Media Inc. by oksana@academiaofhumanpotential.com

Looking for a new job? Want to get what you want fast? Check out my book, Here Today, Hired Tomorrow, and subscribe to my blog (kurtkirton.com) for free monthly advice on your job search.